Oproštaj

Tražim prave riječi da započnem ovu ispovijest koju pišem tebi, životna pričo moja. Svako slovo ovog oproštaja me boli, vjeruj mi, više nego tebe. Ne znam kakva je sebičnost proradila u meni tog kobnog ljeta kad sam odlučila da te zapostavim. Istina je, sve mi je bilo važnije od tebe, ili sam makar tako mislila.

Upoznala sam svakakve ljude, grle te i ljube, a mrze. Zavide ti, a ni sami ne znaju zbog čega. S tobom to nije bilo tako. 

Mogu reći da smo se voljeli, jer je samo tvoja sreća bila važna. Nisam sebi bila važna nikad, jer mi je tvoja ljubav pružala mnogo više od osjećaja zadovoljstva i sreće. Tvoj zagrljaj je bio moj dom. Dom dovoljno velik da ugosti sve moje snove. A ja sam te prodala.

Ja vjerovatno nikada i nikome neću moći opisati ono što smo mi proživjeli i vjerujem da to mora biti tako. Nismo mi Romeo i Julija. Mi smo sebi dovoljni.

Niko osim nas i ne mora znati.

Otkako te nema sreću i ne dijelim sa drugima, jer sretna već odavno nisam. A tugu ostavljam za sebe, daleko od svih zlobnih očiju za koje sam te prodala. 

Mislila sam da znam ljude, da su me zavoljeli kao što si me nekoć volio i ti, ali takvi luđaci ne postoje. Samo si ti bio dovoljno dobar i zao da bi me na taj način volio.

I za kraj, želim da ti kažem da sam te voljela cijelim svojim bićem, možda ne onako kako si ti želio, ali onako kako sam ja najbolje umjela i mogla, sebično i zlobno.

Zbogom.

Ljubav

Sin me jednog dana upitao kako da zna da li mu se desila prava ljubav. Nasmijesila sam se blago i zagrlila ga. "Dodji, da ti mama ispriča jednu priču", odvratih.
Nekada davno, jedna djevojka je upoznala jednog momka. Mnogo su se sviđali jedno drugom i odlučili su da provode vrijeme zajedno. Godine su prolazile, a oni su se sve više voljeli. I to je tako trajalo do određenog trenutka, kad su se počele pojavljivati nesuglasice. Kao što to skoro uvijek i bude oni su se rastali i krenuli odvojenim putevima. Međutim, ljubav koju su osjećali jedno prema drugom je nekako ostala u njima. I pratila ih, u svaku stopu. Prošla su ljeta i zime, a u njihove živote su ušli novi ljudi.
"Ali mama!", prekinuo me moj desetogodišnjak, "Zašto ova priča zvuči nekako tužno?". Gledao me zbunjeno, dok su se njegove zjenice širile, a usne krivile u polu-tužni osmijeh. "Dušo", odgovorih, sve prave ljubavi imaju svoje tužne trenutke, ali ne brini, jer svako bira kraj svoje priče." Vidiš, kada zavoliš prvi put, jako i iskreno, kada svaku stvar radiš misleći na tu osobu znaj da si na pravom putu da spoznaš pravu ljubav. Prava ljubav, sine, nije samo osjećaj. To je način života. Pjevaš dok čistiš kuću, smiješiš se prodavaču u trgovini, i što je najbitnije, ne očekuješ ništa nazad. Poklanjaš svoje srce i nadaš se da ga, taj neko, neće slomiti. Ali, budi pažljiv kad budeš poklanjao ljubav prvi put. Jer samo je tada iskreno. Voli se mnogo puta, ali taj prvi osjećaj koji se probudi u tebi i stvori novog tebe je poseban. Zato srce pokloni posebnoj osobi. Prva ljubav udje u jedan poseban dio srca, skrasi se tu i ne prestane do kraja života. Na spomen imena te osobe ti tijelo zadrhti, a srce ubrzano počne kucati. To kad se desi, sine moj, znat ćeš da je prava ljubav u pitanju.
I dalje me gledao zbunjeno, i upitao kako moja priča završava.
Djevojka se udala, a i on se oženio. Nikada se više nisu čuli poslije toga. Znam samo da su se jednom sreli, nakon mnogo godina i pogledali se ravno u oči. Kao nekada. Na trenutak je sve izgledalo kao prije, a ništa nije bilo isto. Ja sam tada tebe držala u rukama i bilo ti je tek nekoliko mjeseci. Upitao me za tvoje ime, a ja sam ućutala. Vidiš dušo, prošlo je već deset godina, a ništa nisam čula o njemu poslije toga. I dobro je, jer sada imam tvog oca kojeg volim više od bilo svega, a prvu ljubav, koja zaborav nema nisam ni pokušala zaboraviti, jer sam tu ljubav poklonila tebi. Ti nosiš njegovo ime i posjeduješ onaj dio mog srca do kojeg niko ne može doprijeti. Vidiš da ipak nije tužna priča, jer ona nema kraj. Ti nosiš zrno ljubavi u sebi, kojem su korijeni u dalekoj prošlosti, a posjeduješ svu ljubav budućnosti koja tek treba da se desi. Meni ne treba sretan kraj, jer ti si, sine, moja najveća sreća. A tvoj otac, svrha mog života. I to je ljubav. Znat ćeš kad se desi jer će uvijek biti prisutna, iako osobe nisu.

R-EVOLUCIJA

Moram da se oglasim na ovu temu jer očigledno je da su se ljudi počeli buditi i slušam svakakve priče sa hiljadu strana. Ovako, kao prvo, nešto se pod hitno mora napraviti. U potpunosti pružam podršku svim ljudima koji su vani i bore se za svoja osnovna ljudska prava. Prije nego što im se i sama pridružim moram reći da nasilje ne podržavam, ali da razumijem isfustrirani narod koji više trbuhom ide protiv osnovne logike. Sav taj novac kojim se ONI (političari, zamjenici, savjetnici i druge guzice) klinče i diče, je narodni novac. Moj otac je taj koji ti je platio to tvoje "službeno" auto koje ti i kad si "neslužbeno" na putu koristiš. To je novac mog nerođenog djeteta kojim ideš na odmore, a ja se ne smijem odvažiti da zatrudnim jer se plašim da mu neću moći pružiti normalan život. To je novac koji ja zarađujem, a ti ideš njime na skupocjene odmore. I da. Svi mi to znamo. Znamo, i shodno tome rušimo.
Nije moguće da su svi političari toliko neuki i neobrazovani da ne vide kakvu sprdanciju prave od ove kvazi-države. Kažem "kvazi", jer sistem kakav ovdje vlada ne postoji nigdje drugo na svijetu. Uvijek smo mi ona crna rupa koje stoji dole u fusnoti u svakoj knjizi gdje sav pismen narod kaže: "Izuzetak je BIH." I uvijek smo mi izrod, jer nas od '92 truju nacionalizmom kako bi ONI gore sjedili u foteljama i ismijavali nas. "Zavadi pa vladaj" je moto kojim se oni vode. A dok je ovaca, bit će i vune.
Zbog svega ovog nemamo ni zdravstvo, ni školstvo, niti bilo šta uređeno kako treba. NJIMA je u interesu da smo, glupi, zaostali, bolesni i nemoćni, ali da poreze svakako plaćamo, jer tobože, to je NAŠA država. Ali narod nije glup, jer ovo je već odavno postala država ONIH koji sjede u tim istim foteljama, šalju djecu da studiraju vani, a ukidaju Erasmus program, kako djeca, nas običnih ljudi ne bi dobila takvu priliku. Ovo NAŠA naravno podrazumijeva i onu jednu dozu nacionalizma koji je tu da uguši, svaku nadu da bi se jednog dana narod mogao ujediniti i postići nešto ZAJEDNIČKO.
Narod se sa svim pomirio, ali kad mu uzmete i posljednji zalogaj hljeba iz ruke to ne može izaći na dobro. Pohlepa koja vlada u tim foteljama je nezasitna. E pa, kad VI niste siti, mi jesmo. Nama je dosta. Ne želimo da budemo ovce i crna rupa na karti svijeta sa najgorim statistikama u svim kategorijama. Pa imamo i mi dostojanstvo. Ovce nismo, nismo ni međedi (čime nas nazivaju) i zbog toga treba da uslijedi jedna r-EVOLUCIJA uma. Ljudi smo kao i VI, imamo pravo na osnovne stvari, a ako niste u mogućnosti da ispunite to, pokupite se sa svojim foteljama i bježite kud VAS noge nose.
Sigurna sam, da bi sa pravim ljudima, na pravom mjestu, neka dobra promjena mogla da se desi. A pravo vrijeme je SAD.

Na dan kad sam rođena

Kažu da je bila hladna noć kada su majku odvezli u bolnicu. Ovo doba godine je bilo izuzetno strašno '93-e. Snijeg je padao bez prestanka već nekoliko dana i nije izgledalo kao da će prestati. Te noći, tačno prije 21 godinu,  sam se rodila ja. Ne znam da li je istina, ali kažu da je to bio najhladiji dan te godine. Međutim, majka tvrdi da njoj nikad nije bilo toplije, makar oko srca.
I evo ga opet, 30.januar.
Ne znam kako drugi ljudi gledaju na ovaj mjesec generalno, ali svi uvijek tvrde kako je težak ovaj period. Meni iskreno, nikad nije ni bilo bitno. Decembar je mjesec u kojem se svode svi računi, gdje svi analiziraju prošlu godinu i donose odluke za bolju novu godinu. Srećom, ja to uvijek ostavim za januar. Januar mi dođe kao druga prilika za prošlu godinu u kojoj poravnavam sve račune, i kao šansa za novi početak.
I tako sam ovog januara pokušala dati dragim osobama drugu priliku, jer je svako zaslužuje, makar po mom skromnom mišljenju. Međutim ne znaju svi, da prilike koje ja pružim ljudima u januaru ne traju do kraja tekuće godine. Ja ne čekam decembar da donesem odluke koje će biti prekretnice u mom životu. Januar je moj vječiti drug, a današnji datum presudan.
Uvijek imate osoba u životu koje želite natrag, ali je njihovo mjesto tamo gdje i pripadaju. A to je zaborav. Ljudi koji nisu više u vašem životu, su sa razlogom odsutni. Ili se niste dovoljno dobro borili za njih, ili oni nisu za vas. To je stvar je percepcije, ali ako je činjenica da ih nema to je onda samo dokaz da nikada niste ni pripadali zajedno. Voljeti nekoga i željeti ga pored sebe znači da nećete dopustiti da vas bilo šta razdvoji. Neraskidive veze ne čine ljudi koji se prepuštaju samo emocijama, već ljudi koji se bore za ono što im je vrijedno. Bila to ljubav prema porodici, prijatelju ili nekom trećem. Ako su vam ove veze bitne, nećete dozvoliti da dođe do raskola istih.
Voljela sam i ja jednom tako. Jako, da jače ne može. I borila sam se, dugo nakon što je bilo gotovo.  I to je bilo to. Dokaz da nije vrijedno, jer ptica sa jednim krilom ne može da leti. I onda shvatiš da su se stvari promijenile. Emocije mogu biti iste, ali ljudi nisu. I onda dođe olakšanje. Osjećaš se slobodnije. Shvatiš da možda i nisi ptica kojoj je namijenjeno da leti sada. Možda još trebaš rasti i upoznati oko sebe kako bi dobio snagu. Šta ako putovanje ne počinje letom, već od samog početka, kada shvatiš smisao situacije u kojoj se nalaziš i  hodaš čvrsto po tlu tražeći oslonac u laganom vjetru koji te usmjerava ka nečem boljem.
Kada razmislim o tome, i ne viđam puno ptica kako lete u januaru. Sve su one u nekim toplijim krajevima gdje traže uslove za bolji život.
Ne znam, meni je i u januaru toplo. Sve dok imam ovo jedno krilo puno ljubavi, znam da mi neće biti važno doba godine u kojem ću letjeti. Samo znam da će, kada dođe vrijeme za to, taj let biti ispunjen radošću i beskrajnom srećom.
Ipak, ovog januara odlučujem da moje putovanje tek počinje. Ja sam večeras ponovo rođena.

Stranica 25, Poglavlje 14

Pogledali smo se u mraku i nasmijali. Nakon toliko dugo vremena napokon smo se sreli u našem gradu ljubavi. I da, samo jedan pogled je bio dovoljan da se vratimo u dane naše sreće. Odmah su mi kroz glavu prošli zajednički sati i ludovanja. I onda opet neka praznina u srcu. Mnogo mi je nedostajao.
Pozdravili smo se onako drugarski, naivni zagrljaj dvoje poznanika. A toliko bi taj zagrljaj mogao značiti više. Toliko je toga moglo stati u naš zagrljaj. Jedan cijeli svijet ljubavi i čežnje. Mnogo neizrečenih riječi i jedna šansa za novi početak.
Da li smo htjeli početak? Ne znam. Bila sam mnogo nesigurna u njegovo ponašanje. Bio mi je prijatelj, ljubavnik i brat. Znala sam sve o njemu, a ipak sve ovo vrijeme smo djelovali kao stranci. Ipak, ljubav prema njemu je jačala svakim danom iako razlog nije postojao. Nismo se viđali, niti smo pričali, ali nešto jako snažno me vuklo prema njemu. Bio je to neki osjećaj pripadnosti, i osjećaj slobode. U isto vrijeme. Neobjašnjivo.
Šta bi značio novi početak za nas, da li bi nastavili tamo gdje smo stali ili bismo počeli neku novu stvarnost, jer ova više nije postajala za nas. Da li bi to značilo da nastavljamo dalje ili se vraćamo u prošlost po nešto izgubljeno?  Znajući da je sadašnjost najvažnija trenutno htjela sam da zna da ga volim, iskreno i bez osjećaja krivice, ili srama. Ono što je bilo među nama nekada davno više nije postojalo, ali postojali smo mi i to je bilo bitno. Vidite, samo jedan naizgled naivni zagrljaj me mogao navesti na ovoliko razmišljanja. I to je značilo da stvari među nama nisu gotove, iako smo oboje to mislili.
Zime su bile toplije sa njim, sreća je bila veća, a osmijeh iskreniji. I to mi je užasno falilo. Falio je on, onako kako me gledao, način na koji me dodirivao i način na koji me imao.
Kad bi se desilo nešto lijepo, ponajprije bih to željela podijeliti s njim. Kad bih plakala, pa makar to bilo i zbog njega samog, htjela sam da to bude na njegovom ramenu. A on nije bio tu, a trebao mi je.
I tako, svaki put kad ga sretnem zaledim taj trenutak u sjećanju i držim se za njega kako ne bi otišao u zaborav. Svaki put ostavim djelić sebe sa njim, i nadam se da će i njemu taj djelić poslužiti kao utjeha za sve ono što nismo zajedno doživjeli, a trebali smo, za sve trenutke koje nismo proveli zajedno,a htjeli smo.
I radovala sam se svakom ponovnom susretu, jer mi je uvijek poklanjao snagu za novo sutra. A svako novo sutra je davalo nadu da ću ga ponovo sresti.
Bio mi je dovoljan i prijateljski zagrljaj starih poznanika čisto da mi vrati osmijeh na kratko i obaspe me toplotom starog sjaja i sjećanja. Niko nije ni slutio da jedan naš naizgled slučajni susret znači ovoliko. Ali znala sam ja, i znao je on. Sjaj u njegovim očima i boja glasa sa prizvukom lažne sreće kad bi me upitao "Kako si?" bi ga uvijek odao.
Znao je bolje nego ja sama kako sam i kako se osjećam, ali je uvijek pitao iznova. Želio je potvrdu kako bi znao da trenutno ne postoji veći stranac od njega koji me bolje poznaje. I bio je prokleto u pravu. Moje "Dobro sam!" bi mu objasnilo sve što mu drugačije nikada ne bih priznala. Ovako je makar znao, znao da sam i dalje prokleto njegova.

Stranica 8, Poglavlje 14

Otišao je i ostavio me bez riječi. Bez ijedne jedine.
Vjerujem da nije imao šta da kaže nakon onoliko dugih razgovora u kojima smo tražili razloge postojanja i svrhu života. Znali smo daleko u noć da raspravljamo o najsporednijim stvarima na svijetu, a ipak smo se osjećali važnima. Vjerovala sam da je to sve samo bio dobar dio onoga što on jeste ustvari. Na mene je ostavio utisak jednog zrelog šesnaestogodišnjaka koji je znao šta želi, iako je bio znatno stariji. Dovoljno zreo da odlučuje za sebe , ali dovoljno mlad da bude uplašen i izgubljen. Riječi koje je izgovarao su imale čudnu, gotovo opijajuću moć. Svaka nova bi se nadovezivala na prethodnu i time mu je uspijevalo da daje smisao "malim" životnim temama o kojima ranije nisam ni razmišljala. Za nekoliko dana sam naučila mnogo stvari koje su ustvari bile njegove male "lekcije" koje je nosio sa sobom kroz život. Nekako tužno. Jer iako je odavao utisak čvrstog čovjeka, koji je prošao mnogo toga, bio je samo ranjena ptica selica. I kažem selica, jer je imao više ličnosti u jednoj. Volio je da se igra i da mijenja te ličnosti te na taj način zbunjuje ljude. Volio je da "seli" iz jedne krajnosti u druge. Ili te volio ili mrzio. Za drugo nije znao.
Ja, na drugu stranu, sam bila potpuno drugačija, a opet ista. Sa njim sam se osjećala kao da stojim na jedom mjestu, ukopana, ali da iz te iste tačke imam snagu da osvojim cijeli svijet. Ali odjednom, taj mi svijet više njie bio važan jer smo mi imali svoj. Dovoljno širok, dovoljno velik i obiman, a opet tako malen da je mogao stati u moje ruke. Ne znam, možda bi vam on to bolje objasnio. Znao je sa riječima mnogo bolje nego svi ostali. Kažem vam, jednostavno nije ličio na onu uobičajenu kolotečinu na koju smo navikli. Imao je svoju filozofiju i ideologiju koja je bila avangarda za vrijeme u kojem smo mi živjeli.
I sve vrijeme sam imala osjećaj kao da igramo neku igru. Nije to bilo obično kartanje. Više je ličilo na monopol. Da, ili uložiš sve, ili si prestrašen da napraviš novi korak i povučeš se. Ili osvojiš sve ili bankrotiraš.
Opet, voljela sam da sam riskiram. To je bilo u mojoj prirodi. Problem je nastao tek kada sam shvatila da mi nismo više igrali istu igru. Previše nepromišljeno s moje strane, pomislih u sebi. Znate ono, volio je i on monopol, i to mu je bio stil života, ali negdje duboko u sebi je odigravao cijeli scenarij strateški.
To je to. On igra šah. Pokušava"Fool's mate" što je poznato kao šah-mat u dva poteza.
Čudno za njega pomislih, tako ovih dana samo još igraju početnici i budale.

How to be happy

It is the tough times when you need a dose of positivity and hope. It is this feeling that makes you wonder is it really ever enough of all the problems and stress u've got. I takes a lot of guts even to admit the fact of being unhappy. I do not want to talk about any facts, but let us be real. Life is too short to feel uncomfortable with the decisions and choices you make everyday. So here is my top 5 ways for being happy:

1. Be rational

The voice of your heart might be very loud sometimes, but eventually if you already know what damage your decision might cause in future your brain will warn you, and believe me, trusting your heart is wonderful, but you should also give a chance to your ratio. Just learn to question everything you hear.

2. Tell the truth

Any lie you set in this world will find it's way back to you. It is just a waste of time. It begins with small lies and they grow so fast you cannot even keep up with them. They trace you and it destroys relationships of any kind. Open communication is the best thing you can learn and aply to any field of your life.

3. Learn to love yourself

Accepting who you are might be one of the biggest struggle you'll face in life. Whenever you don't feel confident about what you see in the mirror, you have to understand that this is the way you are. If you do not like it, change it. There is no bigger enemy of yours than yourself.

4. Forgive

Forgiveness makes life so much better. As simple as that. Try it sometimes.

5. Stay positive

Make a list of favourite moments in your life, smile at strangers, read books and travel. Spend some time with your family or do something different. Explore and see what your possibilities are. Get out of your comfort zone and grow bigger, and better. Understand that everything happens for a reason and that anything can be a lesson learned.

Life can be so much more for you. It is not about how many years youl live, but how you live them. Quality should be important to us. Walk away from anything that makes you sad. If you have problems, fix them. Fight and be a champ. Do not just dream. Wake up and live it up.

Have a nice weekend,

Love, 

Me :)

Vidi sto je slatka

Pijem kafu. Jutarnju.
Jos je rano da bih zapocela konverzaciju s nekim na poslu. Razgledam okolo i  vidim da jos uvijek nisu dosle sve kolege. Nista. Dan zapocinje i bez njih.
Sjela sam za racunar i otvorila dobri stari fejsbuk. Kazem dobri stari ne zato sto je fejsbuk star, nego zato sto je moja raja na tom istom fejsbuku stara koliko i ja.
Pocnem da listam. Kao u vakat, dok su se nekad listale novine, evo i ja, listam ovo cudo. Poneki citat İve Andrica, neka pjesmica, i neke vijesti koje su slucajno zalutale u moj news feed. Cudno, slabo raje na chatu.
I onda ja tako listajuci svoju malu virtualnu mahalu vidim Almu. Joj Alme sto je porasla. Sjecam se dok je beba bila. A vidi sad. Curetak. Mala Alma u nekom kratkom sorcu. Ali to tek primijetih nakon njenog poprsja koje bijase u prvom planu. Ne vidi se puno od lica. Ono sto sam prepoznala su jedino njene usne nekako cudno napucene. Kontam ja mora da je to sad normalno. Vidim sve se djevojcice tako slikaju. Ali, ne slikaju se samo one. Vidi Selme i njenog poprsja. Sjecam se, ona isla u srednju dok sam ja peti osnovne bila.
Mescini ovo portal za skidanje.
Na trenutak sam se zamislila. Ee, pa zar smo na ovo spale? Da se ovako nudimo? Onda opet razmisljam, mora da vrijedi. Mislim, lajk je lajk. Mnogo znaci. Mnogo je bitnije da Edo, Dino, Ado i Mujo vide tvoje fizicke atribute, nego upoznaju onu pravu tebe. A i prava ti je plaho pametna vidim. Mnogo, i previse, razmisljas o posljedicama svojih postupaka. A mozda ti nije ni bitno. Ne znam.
Drage moje Alme i Selme, mnogo je vas u svijetu, mislim se.
Kome prıcam? Ko ce shvatiti sta govorim.. Jos ce reci da sam luda. Da nisam moderna, pobogu. A jadna, tek u dvadesete zakoracila.
Djaba meni sve knjige koje sam procitala, djaba meni svi polozeni ispiti i statovi koje imam. Ne valjam. Ne valjam jer ne znaju koji broj grudnjaka nosim. Ne zna mi ni tetka, ni strina, nı dajdza, ni tamo neki daleki rodjak koji zivi u Kanadi. A steta, imaju me u raji na fejsbuku.
I ne cudi me nista. Sve sto je nekad bilo dobro vise nije. Ideal ljepote je toliko iskrivljen da i ne krivim djevojke sto cine ovakve stvari. Norma je norma. Ona se mora ispuniti. Pa iako su to samo oci praznih umova.
Ma neka, nek' selo zna.
Nek' se zna koja se umije najbolje reklamirati i prodati.
Neka, trebat ce uvijek lajkova.

You think?

Every and each of us should think of his/her life as of a piece of art. Fine art. The way you live your life reflects who you are and what you stand up to. İt is not about what you go through, it is the the lessons you take out of it.
İt is the simplicity that makes your life a work of art. People's faces, significant places, tiny adventures..
I hear people complain of their lives as being empty and nonsense, and it makes me wonder one thing. Why don't you live better than that? Why don't you read more? Why don't you visit more places? Can't you make yourself work harder and better? Wanna become famous? Then make it happen.

You think you deserve more? Go and get it.

Ten years from now I don't know what I am going to be, but for sure I don't want to complain about life. You say: "Life sucks!" Let me correct that. You suck. Bring it to proove me otherwise.

So let me ask you, if your life was a real piece of work, wouldn't you live it up to make it a masterpiece?

Lolita

Eternal flame

April the 6th. Ordinary people. Love. Eternal. Sarajevo.

The message is simple : You will never find a place which will entertain you more, make you laugh, sing and be happy. I am proud. You cannot take away certain things. Our flame is eternal.

I am not a box!

Wow, I haven't written in a long time! I was thinking about changing the style of my writing and talk about stuff that would be usefull to the ones who read it, but then I remembered one thing. I am not here to give you any advice or change the way you are. I am here to share my story.
And if my story is not big enough to have an impact on you while reading my posts I guess no other writing  style in the world could change it. The way you feel like when reading the things I share.
This is me. This is who I am.

So, today I was discussing an amazing thing that happens to all of us, I believe. As you grow up and learn many new things you tend to become more insecure while you are giving answers to particular questions. It might be at school, work, anywhere. Your head is stuffed with many dillemas and you think that there is only one right answer. But let me tell you a secret. As long as you think and have the abillity to connect various topics, criticize, approve or dissapprove of some ideas, share them and communicate to other people you are perfectly okay. There is no single answer to any question. There are only different angles to everything. You have to be creative. Once they asked to Nikola Tesla: "How did you find the way to do it correctly, when you had previously failed a thousand times?" Listen what he answered: " I have not failed a thousand times, I have only found a thousand ways it wouldn't work, and then the right way of doing it!"
This is something everyone should relate to. You never fail and you are never wrong in the process of trying. You are learning. You only fail if you don't give yourself a chance.

Being insecure is normal, but think of answers when talking to children. They have the most amazing ideas. Why? Because they know they do not have any limitations. There is no such thing as being wrong. You can only be too creative. Learn from children!
Think out of the box!

Solitude.

It's never easy to talk about private stuff. But it makes people feel better. So let me start off..

Since I was a child, I had the weird feeling of not knowing who I am. We used to live in Germany and right at the time I was starting my primary school, we had to move to Bosnia. Living in one city for a while and moving to another one was kinda hard. I left my parents house at age of 14 and went to highschool in another city. I've dropped into the university afterwards and changed my friends cycle once again. I was able to meet a lot of people in my life but not very few of them, was I able to bound to.
There has been several reasons for that.

•  Jelaousy

No matter who or how I always managed to have jelaous people around me and be jelaous myself sometimes, not because I fel intimidated by someone, but because I feel a huge essence in loving people as they are, and when they wouldn't love me back, I would feel guilty and jelaous of others having that feeling and it would bother me.

•  Honesty

When I look back I see that honesty is not a characteristics owned by a lot of people. I am not saying that I have been the most honest person at all, but at least I tried to improve and to act responsible toward others pople's feelings.

•  Empathy

Empathy means a lot to me. It is the way we feel for others. Do you know how it is to be bullied because genetics did not asure you artificial beauty and you have to listen to all of those who torture you. Have you ever put yourself in someone else's shoes? I tried, and it scared the shit out of me. It is not easy being someone else, so how could you possibly understand what they are going through.

• Prejudice

It speaks for itself.

•  Expectations

I do not know how many of you have experienced the awful feeling of being guilty for not fulfilling someone's plans they prepared for you, but the constant conduct of behavior they asked you for must have been very stressful for both parties. For you, because you probably did not want to chase their dreams but instead your own, and for them, because they saw with how much difficulty they are trying to persuade you.



I know, a lot of people will say I am crazy for saying such private things and stuff, but it has just one aim.
Prooving that you are not alone. You probably have your own list of things that bother you and you'd like to improve in but the main point is that all people find it very hard to struggle with themselves during different periods of life. If you want have friends, you have to be one, yourself.

During all these changes in life I appretiated  the most people with less obvious jelaousy and prejudice, and  honest people with empathy. You will never meet the perfect person who is truly complete because everyone has their own battles, but you will meet a lot of persons who are still looking for the deep meanings of life, trying to understand how to behave and act. This is mainly the reason you feel confortable with your special friends, it's always because you see a piece of them appealing to your soul and making it easier understand why you love them so much in the ways you do. Some will resemble you, some will be quite the opposite, but you will always seek in them the missing link you need for your own life. This is the reason we are so dependent on socializing and having friends. I am a person with a few friends whom I trust and pay my full attention to. It is not because they are perfect, nor did they choose me because I am, it is because they make me complete as a person, and through them I am able to seek the very best in myself. It is about gratitude and commitment. Once you find these kind of relationships in any phase you are going through in your life, make yourself sure that you will never let these bounds dissapear, because once you have a friendship like this, there is no limits for achieving anything in the world. Just infinity. And love.

Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies. Aristotle

Inspiration.

I am a firm believer that the life holds so many opportunities for all of us and that it is a deep ocean waiting for us to be explored. Life is about experience, making mistakes, right choices and about learning.
But most important, life is about YOU. You are the one that holds the strings of your destiny. Do not let failures and negativities define who you are. Every second spent in sadness, decreases your happiness in life for the same amount of time you could have been laughing and enjoying your life instead of crying over spilt milk.
Different situations will teach you different lessons. Make yourself sure that after every experience you will come out as a brighter and wiser person. Here are 20 inspirational quotes which helped me define what I want to be like.
Read them, understand them and take the best out of them.
Lots of love,
Lolita

Price Tag.

A lot of girls is convinced that beauty is what is served to them. You know that feeling when you buy a magazine to read something interesting, and you see the cover page with a beautiful girl ( read: photoshoped skinny puppet), and think to yourself: "If only I looked like this!"
It happened to all of us, at least once.
But I am not going to talk about these idealized puppets whose job is only to make you feel bad about yourself, they do not deserve it! I am going to talk about something much more important. Real Beauty.

First of all try to define beauty. I guess there is a bunch of definitions out there which can help you. Which one will you choose? And more important, will you let it get to you?
Nowadays, people are just blinded with the things that are on the outside, the visual things. I guess it is easier for them to comprehend people as objects and not complicated individuals with all of their inner emotions and processes.
Some people can maybe define beauty, but no one should be able to influence what beauty means to you. To oneself. Beauty, for me, is intellingence, sense of humor, kindness. Not perfect make up, nor designer clothes. All of these fade away, eventually.

You know, you might be a cover girl, and everyone might look at you for a moment, but then they will seek for another one, because your cover story cannot please people permanently. Your beauty is too empty to have a meaning. You should rather be a good book, a classic, a never fully explored beauty which people will read over and over again in order to find and learn something new.
Don't get simple fashion take away your real, inner beauty.

Think of it, why do we put price tags on beauty? Maybe because it is only a business for making non self-confident women spend their money on stuff no one needs to be a part of the idealized shape and image of  how a woman should look like or is it because real beauty is something so rare, that no one could actually afford it?

In the end it is all about how you perceive certain standards and trends. You should never pretend to be something you are not in order to fit in. Never let people dictate what beauty means to you. Beauty is not in eye of beholder, it is in his mind and heart.

This is a post dedicated to a very special woman that happens to be my friend. You should be proud of yourself.  I am. You are beautiful to me for everything you are. 

Obstacles.

Do you ever think of people who aren't anymore present in your life? It could be any reason, it might be a fight, a missunderstanding, death..
Eventhough people are said to be different, I really doubt it. I mean, we all do feel the same things. It's just that we do it in different ways.
Distance between two people is the biggest one that exists in the world. It can't be measured in kilometres or hours. Distance between two people is measured in pride. And this is something that might go into infinity. I never though that this distance could be travelled easily, but after this night I understood that the biggest distance is not an obstacle if you make a choice to overcome it. Pride should never make you suffer. I had a very dear friend and after some missunderstandings we chose not to speak to each other for a while. Days, weeks and yars passed, but we never talked to each other again..until tonight.
It was not the years that made us apart, it was our choice. And I made a new decision tonight. I took my cell phone and called. Called until it was answered by the other side. Amazingly, it turned out to be one of the best choices, made by both of us. It was not the years I counted, it was just one call. A call enough to change the fact that an old friend of mine was not a lost friend anymore, we were back. Right at the same point, as we used to be.
It is funny how people sometimes choose to travel all these distances, in order to come to the same point again. Isn't it miserable to find out that your displacement is equal to zero?
People who love you, will fight for you. If it is worth it, you will fight back, eventually. But no matter what, you should be aware of the fact that these persons one day might go away, far enough that the only way to talk to them is with a prayer to God. People matter. Feelings matter.
The question is, will you let the people go away that far from you, that in one point you wont be able to reach them, or are you going to get them back in the very begining of the end.
It is not the pride that should be bigger than love, because love is a superior feeling, stronger than any other feeling in the whole world. But it is a choice as well, not an easy one though.
If all people are the same, and if all of us are going to the same destination, what is the point of traveling the whole distance?
If  you care about someone, let them know, you might have not another chance to tell them. It is a choice. Not an obstacle.

Oh, I just love happy endings

Dear you,

I know we haven't been talking in a little while but I could not describe all the things I have been going through in the last couple of weeks. It is not like I have not tried to talk to you, but everytime I wanted, something would come up and I just could not say anything. I might be lying as well. I guess I had no courage to do so. Anyway, since I started to talk I should tell you everything.

Every story has a begining. Our was a weird one. It was like this amazing feeling inside of my stomach. No eat, no sleep. Just you. And it was damn good.
Every story has a but..Our was a clear one. It was like a cliche from the movies. Again no sleep, no eat.
And as it follows naturally, the story came to an end. A very happy one. Every party is content, and this is what counts!

But you can't expect people to understand some stories. Common sense is so rare, and I don't even get the point in calling it common cause it's not common at all! Sometimes there is no need to explain that to people. People are not able to seek for real happiness in life. They pretend to be okay, when they are not. But it is allrigth not to be okay! Socialization has never been easier than now, yet you have people who think that they are socializing by sitting at their homes by their computers, checking out their facebook acoount and liking pages. I mean, go out! Experience the real world! Or are you affraid of reality? What is it?
People say that the times are bad, but I do not believe in that, cause what is actually being bad, is the people, themselves! You do not give yourself a chance to change your reality. Confront your fears and become a fighter!

This is what we have done, darling. We were brave enough to make it happen. I am proud of what we have achieved.

I know, my dear, that we have too much memories together that cannot be neglected. And wherever you might be, you should know that I respect you from the bottom of my heart.
This is not a goodbye, because saying goodbye, means forgetting, and you know I am not able to do that, and I won't go away. I just wanted to thank you. For everything. It was worth every moment.

Lots of love,
Me

Per aspera ad astra

I had the great opportunity to catch up with an old friend of mine last night. We have known each other since always. She knows almost every detail of my life and as we were chatting she told me this one sentence that made me think of my actions in the last few months. "U have changed."

This could mean a lot. It could be either in a good, or in a bad way. It could be both. So I started to think. What has changed..me? Her? Something else?

I am sure that each of us came to a point in life when he/she asked themselves: "What is next?"; "What shall I look forward to?"; "Where am I?"; "Who am I?" and "What for?"

Okay, I know that anyone who reads this will go through the questions as easy matter an pass them, but what about the answers. Have you got them all? And more important, are you really satisfied with them. Try to be honest with yourself. 

While you are trying to find the answers to your questions think of your dreams! Every child has a dream. What was yours when you were younger? Do you, still,  chase after the same dreams or have your wishes changed?

Once I have thought about these things I understood that people are not the same. Some of them wanted to become singers or actors, but they could not because their lack of talent. As a matter of fact, talent is not the only predisposition for making a dream come true. You will need a lot of discipline and hard work to achieve yor goals. It takes a lot of guts and a strong will to fight for what you really want. Not only time, but a lot of other things that you will have to sacrifice in order to obtain something of much bigger value.

It is not my way to tell people what they should or should not do, but rather inspire what they already want to. No one has the right to tell you otherwise. If you live for something in particular and you want it really bad, then you should show the world that there is nothing that will stop you in doing so. Many people will try to bring you down, they will talk in a bad manner, laugh at you,but the only one who can stop you from accomlishing your goals is yourself and the Will of God. Fall down seven, stand up eight times. Hold strong onto people who will love you and support youn no matter what you choose to do or to be. 

Once she said:" U have changed!", I looked her deeply in the eyes and said:" No, I am the same little girl I used to be, but my dreams have changed and I will have to act in accordance to that fact. But do not ever suspect on my actions. They might seem different and unexplainable, but everything is for a good cause."

Because it is an universal theme. One fear. One truth. One feeling.

Faith.

Share?

I was exhausted yesterday night due to some obligations I had during the day. Since I had no time to prepare myself for the next day I straigt went to sleep. So, in te morning, in order to catch up with all the stuff I had to finish before I go to my classes I left home pretty late. As I arived to the bus station, the bus had already left. I was late.
The first thing I had thought was: Oh, noo! But then happened something so much worth being late that I have cried afterwards.
A girl waiting for the bus was standing really close to me. She had some bread in her hands and she was eating it. As I looked arround, I saw a cute little boy approaching to her. He had no shoes on, his clothes were dirty and his hair was a mess. He pulled her coat and asked for some money. He told her he was hungry. The girl took the bread she was holding in her hands and gave it to him. So, he happily smiled at her and went down the street. As he was walking away, some pigeons came across his way, and the first thing he did was to pull out the bread and spread it among them. Eventhough he was hungry I could not see him take even a piece of the bread, but the smile he has had at his face at the point of sharing food was incredible.
I guess the boy was around 5 years old.
His eyes sparkled so bright that you could actually feel his happiness. And his smile was incrredibly real. But how wouldn't it be real, he understood the meaning of life. Have you?

Error.

It's not like I talked about Sarajevo in my last post to fill up the empty space, but because humanity did not achieve or learn anything in the last 20 years. Tthere has been an open-fire attack on Gaza. People are dying and innocent civilians are going through the same thing as Bosnia and Herzegovina did back in the 90's. 

I really do ask myself if we are humans sometimes! No matter who's guilty! Just look at the people, have some emphaty! Since when does Murder have a nick name of "Self Defense" ?!!!

"The incursion and bombardment of Gaza is not about destroying Hamas. It is not about stopping rocket fire into Israel, it is not about achieving peace. The Israeli decision to rain death and destruction on Gaza, to use lethal weapons of the modern battlefield on a largely defenseless civilian population, is the final phase in a decades-long campaign to ethnically-cleanse Palestinians.Israel uses 

sophisticated attack jets and naval vessels to bomb densely-crowded refugee camps, schools, apartment blocks, mosques, and slums to attack a population that has no air force, no air defense, no navy, no heavy weapons, no artillery units, no mechanized armor, no command in control, no army… and calls it a war. It is not a war, it is murder. When Israelis in the occupied territories now claim that they have to defend themselves, they are defending themselves in the sense that any military occupier has to defend itself against the population they are crushing. You can't defend yourself when you're militarily occupying someone else's land. That's not defense. Call it what you like, it's not defense.” Noam Chomsky

So if you feel yourself like human, please stand up and boycott Israel, the simplest prayer might save a life!

We, all, are children of Palestine!

19.11.1992.

Sarajevo, a beauty. A symbol of diversity, acceptance and peace. I guess that there are only two things a foreigner would know when you ask him/her about this wonderfull city:

1. WAR 1992-1995
2. Olympic Winter Games held in 1984.

Some of them might even know about that the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria took place is Sarajevo as well. This was the key for the I WW to start. But well, let's be honest, what is the image we have in other people's eyes?
Who are Bosnians, what the hell is a Bosniak, what is the difference and most important, why would someone care at all?
Let me tell you a story..
Sarajevo is the biggest mistake that was done in the history of humanity after WW II, Sarajevo is the most stuborn city in the world. Think of it, Prince Eugene of Savoy was the man who burned Sarajevo to it's ground in 1699, and what did Sarajevo do? Sarajevo had risen again. All the years after, many tried to destroy it again, but there is a fact you have to know about Sarajevo. Sarajevo is not a city. It is not a place where people only live their ordinary lives, it is much more. Sarajevo brings hearts together, and no matter how hard you try to bring it down, it wont let you, because Sarajevo is not only a destination. Sarajevo has a spirit. And you might never come and see it, but that's perfectly fine. Pictures are available everywhere. Sarajevo is an experience. A very delicate one. You will fall in love with it and get heart-broken. Not because Sarajevo wont love you back, but because you will love it more than anything and you wont be able to have it on your own. Sarajevo belongs to everyone, if you cannot share it, you will have to leave.

Even in the most difficult times..
These pictures were taken exactly 20 years ago by Patrick Baz

War did not change anything, Sarajevo still stands at the same point it used to. This message is strong and clear enough. You cannot break a spirit. Never.